We watch Disney's FIRST animated movie, the 1937 classic Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Will Snow White ever escape the evil witch? Will the other dwarves ever quit being mean to Dopey? Is this the same movie as Sleeping Beauty?

We watch Disney's 2nd animated feature, the 1940 coming-of-human tale Pinocchio. Will Pinocchio become a real boy? Will Jiminy Cricket get his libido under control? And how the hell did Geppetto get stuck inside a whale?

We watch Disney's 3rd animated feature, the 1940 musical extravaganza Fantasia. Will Mickey master the power of broomsticks? Will the centaurs successfully mate? And just how the hell do you drink to classical music?

We watch Disney's 4th animated feature, the 1941 emotional wringer Dumbo. Will Dumbo ever learn to use his ears for good? Will his friends ever use his real name? And just how racist is this movie?

We watch Disney's 5th animated feature, the 1942 woodland critter tale Bambi. Will Bambi inherit the throne of the forest? Will Thumper ever control his compulsive thumping? And just how damn adorable is this movie?

We watch Disney's 31st animated feature, the 1992 Arabian-themed Aladdin. Will Aladdin use his three wishes properly? Will Jafar ever reveal what's beneath his cowl? And why isn't Tom Cruise the voice of Aladdin?

We watch Disney's 53rd animated feature, 2013's smash hit Frozen. Will Elsa and Anna reunite under good circumstances? Is Olaf annoying or the cutest little snowman since Frosty? And just why do we keep talking about a nuclear bomb?

We watch Disney's 13th animated feature, 1951's seemingly plotless Alice in Wonderland. Will Alice find her way out of Wonderland? Is there any kind of central plot to all these wacky stories? And just how do all these characters defecate if none of them have a butthole?

We watch Disney's 21st animated feature, 1973's low-budget Robin Hood. Will Robin's shitty disguises fool the Sheriff of Nottingham? Is there a goblin hanging out with Robin Hood's band of thieves? And just how many times can one movie re-use the same animation?

We watch Disney's 40th animated feature, 2000's The Emperor's New Groove. Does Pacha have a llama fetish? Will Kronk ever get crunk? And just how many months pregnant is Chicha - and does it matter?

We watch Disney's 14th animated feature, 1953's Peter Pan. Is Peter Pan actually just Wendy's boyfriend? Will Smee ever find clothes that fit? And just how ignorant were the animators about Native Americans?

We watch Disney's 50th animated feature, 2010's Tangled. How does Rapunzel know so much stuff? Will Flynn ever be comfortable with his secret fetishes? And just what the hell is Mother G's actual name?

We watch Disney's 34th animated feature, 1996's The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Does Quasimodo realize he's in the friend zone? What kind of kinky stuff is Frollo into? And just how sexy did the animators want Esmeralda to be?