When faced with problems such as dead whales and snoring, who do you turn to? God? Magic? Nope, in situations like these you turn to good old-fashioned science. Just remember, no one is suggesting that science will always gets you the results you want. Tonight's guests are great examples of applied science at its most blunt but effective.

With the Internet, alienation is a thing of the past. Always had an inexplicable yearning to be covered in jam? Put ""jam fetish"" in Google and you get 74 results. There might not be tons of you out there, but the Internet has given all 74 of you the chance to get together for a breakfast the likes of which none of you will ever forget. Tonight's guests celebrate those connections. With the Internet, you'll never be lonely again.

Tonight is officially geek night. If you're not a geek, you're a loser. Geeks keep your computers running. They design your cars, economic policy, and, well, most of the world. But they have some problems. It's hard to find things they're interested in on TV. Most of the stuff is too mundane and childish for them. Well we've got you covered. The other big problem is dating. Sure, you might be single simply because you're too interested in cataloging beetle species to get a date, but sometimes situations come up where you need to fake it. Don't worry, we have that covered too. So sit back, tear your eyes away from those bugs for a second, and watch the show.

Screw the skeptics. Pundits bitch that people aren't talking or communicating anymore, but they're dead wrong. People are communicating more than ever, but in new ways. All of tonight's guests are on the cutting edge of these new communication mediums. While the critics gripe, every day people are using the Internet to share information, enhance personal relationships and to learn more about what it means to be human.

If you want to stay in the mollified comfort of your own little weak-ass world, don't watch tonight's show. If you don't want to learn the truth about the moon landing, that's fine. If you don't want to be able to harness the awesome might of radionic energy, that's cool. Stay broke, lonely, and unknown. You can just sit there with your head in the sand. But remember, if you have your head in the sand, your ass is sticking out, just waiting to be kicked.

There really aren't any ways to cover up your secrets anymore. The world is too connected and we haven't figured out how to keep things secret. Tonight's show is all about bringing those secrets to the light of day. Celebrities try to hide the shame of skin blemishes with makeup, but our guest is trained at discovering what they'd rather hide. Plus the D-Tipper is going to show you how to crack into wireless video-camera systems.

Sex can be great. It can be a way to physically express your love or just have a good time. It can also be an utterly horrible, embarrassing experience that makes you want to pack up your genitals and put them in storage. Tonight we're talking about both. The good, the bad, and the so bad it's sparked an international lawsuit with a British tabloid. Oh, and the Dark Tipper will teach you how to make a beer catapult.

Tonight's guests flex the muscle of their Yankee ingenuity. That's what this country was founded on. Ingenuity. We're a country of outside-the-box thinkers. We look for unique ways to solve problems, even if we need to fly in the face of conventional social values. Like say you've plagued got no money. People in other countries become working stiffs, but our guest saw a way out and took it. Even though it caused a ruckus. Our second guest wanted to play a trick on his friend. Unlike the Europeans or the Africans, to this fellow the whoopie cushion was just too prosaic. So he took the gag to the levels of sheer lunacy for which our country has been celebrated.

Tonight's guest will show you how to beat the system. Isn't that what everyone wants? To slip the surly bonds that chain every other sucker to the grind. Well, according to our guests, freedom from what plagues you lies in tonight's show. If you're poor, or just plagued by some seriously stanky breath, our guests have the answers you're looking for. Hell, you could be poor and suffering from stanky breath, our advice is good for everyone. Except the lepers, sorry folks, there's just nothing we can do about lepers.

Our guests are great examples of how the Internet is the great equalizer. Used to be there was no way for the little guy to have his voice heard over the din of big media. Now, if you say something really worthwhile, it can be picked up and sent around the world in a matter of minutes. One guest did something so worthwhile, it got a gigantic company pounding on his door with a cease-and-desist order. The other guest took a crowbar and pried the giant gleaming rock of Hollywood up to get a gander at the slime underneath.

There must be rules, and when the rules are broken, there must be punishment. The Bible says, ""An eye for an eye."" Well I ask you this: What kind of transgression deserves having a penis drawn on your face in permanent marker? Because this punishment is being handed out hither and yon. One of our guests will explain the rules that made Penischeek.com a reality. Our other guest is tasked by the federal government to keep track of hoaxes. I wonder in awe at the kind of punishments they'd hand out. Do you think our guests will get together and create the bitchin'-est ever deterrent for the jerks who make virus hoaxes?

Rip-snorting fun. Belly-bursting joviality. We promise nothing but the most painful, eye-blistering, eardrum-popping good time. And you better like it too, because if you don't, we'll send a 350-pound gorilla in a tuxedo to your house to dislocate your fingers until you learn the true meaning of comedy. Remember, dying is easy, comedy is hard, and tonight's show will teach you a lesson you'll never forget.

We've got human calculators, celebrity impersonators, and hot camwhores. Think of tonight's show as a porned-out ""Beautiful Mind."" The Human Calculator is here to demonstrate why he holds a record from Guinness. Plus we'll show you how you can have your favorite celebrity crank-call your favorite friends. All this and a handful of ladies who make a living with their bodies, but battle with their minds.

Tonight's show will have you re-evaluating your relationship with technology. Not in an abstract grad student way, but in a very personal, very visceral way. First, your DVD player will let you tell a porn star exactly what you want, and she'll do it. Have you thought about what you'd do without the Internet? We did, and things got bloody. Either way, technology has woven its way pretty deep into our lives -- so deep, in fact, that removing it is going to require surgery.

We understand that the ""Lord of the Rings"" movies were great. We also know that there is a lot of mainstream interest in fantasy now. We're going to try and cash in on some of that. Get out your broadsword and your chainmail +1 because we're wading into murky depths, fair adventurer. XP bonuses are available for good role-playing.

Tonight's guests both seek power, but they've chosen very different roads to get it. One embraced an ancient religion and magic, the other embraced the bleeding edge of fire-hardened technology. The witch doctor and the cyborg. One whispers to voices in the dark, the other flexes his mind and computers bend to his will. One helps Marty on his road to fame and fortune, the other warns of an impending war between man and machine.

Sometimes it's ladies night. Other times it's free bobblehead night. Tonight it's geek night. Geek night rocks. It's time to let the hair out of the ponytail, grab a beer, and breathe a sigh of relief. The bullies don't know you're here and your parents are asleep. Just relax and pull out the polyhedral dice, the Klingon dictionary, and a compendium of the ships of the Federation, because tonight's show is for you.

From flying high, to getting loaded, Unscrewed has the recipe to lift your spirit from the dulldrums. Ever wondered who the hell invented the microwave? Did you know the first disposable diapers were used in space? Our guest is going to talk about how space science finds its way into your home. Plus, the tyranny of warm beer is over. We have the inventor of an amazing device that'll chill a beer ice cold in a matter of minutes.

Tonight's guests bare their souls and their privates. Melissa is like the girl next door who likes to get drunk and naked in bars and then posts the pics to her pay site. Apparently the cops in her town did a Google search on ""drunk girl next door naked bars Nebraska,"" because now they're filing charges. Our second guest gives piss-poor drunken white trash an outlet to vent their frustrations. Thing is, most of his site is really interesting to read. So if you want to see the world in the buff, tonight's a good night to watch.

Morgan Webb is on ""Unscrewed."" She's going to talk about all sorts of things. Mostly sex in videogames and Playboy. Morgan talking about sex in videogames and Playboy should be enough to get you to watch. I'm stopping here. Oh, and the Dark Tipper will show you how to make a Taser out of a disposable camera.

Tonight's the Booze Show. Marty gets loaded, the guests get loaded, I think everyone ends up loaded. Even the guest who isn't here to talk about booze will end up drinking. The California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) wanted us to put up a warning about drinking and driving, but we said no. Although it's a valid request, we figure that since we're not showing any cars or Jet Skis or anything, you wouldn't get the idea to get loaded and go tooling around. Or at least you couldn't prove that you got the idea from us. So drink up, 'cause tonight your liver's going down!

Remember the Dark Ages? Of course you don't, that's why they're the Dark Ages. Mankind backslid into a mumbling, mud-shoveling rut and no one took any notes. Well, the Internet will never let that happen again. Things like the Lycos Top 50 keep track of exactly what the American people are thinking about. Unfortunately, the Internet is a couple thousand years too late for mysteries like the pyramids in Egypt. Our guest believes he has solved the mystery and that the pyramids are actually huge water pumps. You figure someone would have written the instructions down or something. Even if mankind disappeared off the face of the earth, aliens visiting Hoover Dam could still go down to the control room, pull out a manual, and go ""Hey, this thing is a dam!""

Alien ghosts. I'd never thought about it before, but I guess alien ghosts could exist. At least exist in the sense that aliens or ghosts ""exist."" Our first guest is on a hunt for these elusive spirits. Our next guest is the creator of the Internet hit Odd Todd. Odd Todd proves that being unemployed can be funny, with the right frame of mind. On tonight's show, perspective is everything.

Tonight we offer you sex. We have one of the most respected sex columnists in the country here. Then, we have two cam whores who are going to go head-to-head in Search Sperts. Plus, one befuddled old man calls Martin a Pansy because Marty wouldn't give him a cigarette.

At the very least, duct tape and clones share 'Unscrewed' in common. But, I dare say, the bond goes deeper. I mean, you use duct tape to pull things together, to make them whole, to make them one. Clones are identical, they are the same. They too, are one. Cloning and duct tape both have a devoted series of followers who say that, when properly applied,can solve the problems of mankind. Both camps of devotees are loons, but at least the duct tape people can take a joke.

If you've ever wanted the riches and fame that Internet porn has to offer, tonight is the show that you can not miss. Our guests are up to their elbows in the lucrative Iporn industry. One guest runs her own webcam/gallery site. The other will teach you how to run one of your own.

Tonight's show is going to be a tussle. First we have a man who styles hair the way Freddy Kreuger ""styles"" teenagers, with long-ass sharp pieces of metal. We've also got a Search Sperts that promises to be something to write home about. I'm not promising that someone will get naked, but there's a decent chance that Marty says, ""Yowza!""

Tonight we are visited by a porn legend. Tera Patrick is here, in studio. One of the hottest ladies in the industry, Tera will talk about getting abused by the business. Plus, Scary Gary will show us just how many people he can trick. And to balance all this out, we'll meet a guy who's building the Bible out of Legos.

We're going to teach you how to be a nonstop party. First, the tunes. We're not satisfied with the crap the music industry has been pumping out of our radios, and we're not going to take it anymore. Our guests have put together a software bundle that will give you everything you need to make your own music. Next, our guests are pushing a pill they claim eliminates the hangover. Does it work? Everyone in the office jumped at a chance to test it. Watch to see the results.

Whether you're a hottie or a dog, tonight's ""Unscrewed"" has a way for you to find a lover online. Angry that I'm being so vain? Wait till you see tonight's show! Actually, I'm using ""hottie"" figuratively and ""dog"" literally. So if you're an attractive, wealthy, vain person, or are interested in finding one, this show is for you. And if you're a dog (read canine), or are interested in finding one, this show is for you too. Hotties and dogs unite, it's time for ""Unscrewed."" Anyone else getting hungry?

Tonight's show delves into your subconcious. Actually, it delves into Marty's subconsious. In a segment you have to see to believe, our guest shows that the human subcouncious reveals itself when you play our speech backwards. We were skeptical, until we saw the segment. Now, we won't say we're full-on believers, but it was very impressive. Plus, we have some sensuous Internet hussies, so it looks like there's something for everyone.

Tonight is finally the night we show you what happened on the ""Win a Date With Laura Swisher"" date. We also show you the newest technology in self-sex machines. Coincidence? I think not. I'm not sure how it happened, but it was a marketing coup for the makers of the Virtual Sex Machine. How many people are going to get all riled up watching the date and need an outlet? Probably at least three. And if there was any payola, I can tell you this: None of it made it to the Web team. So watch out for typos and broken links, suckers.

2012, the End of Times. The Mayan calendar ends. What comes next? In proper ""Unscrewed"" fashion we ignore more pressing issues, such as the end of 'peak oil', global food shortages, and an aging world population that could stress our social welfare system to its breaking point, in favor of worm holes and impending ice ages. Hell, who wants to study the devastating effects of the end of cheap oil when a worm hole is going to open up and deliver us a half-snake traveler who just happens to be the harbinger of the End Times? In 2012 only one thing is certain: The jig is up. It may not be the Apocalypse, but it's pretty damn close.

Tonight we talk about killing and stealing. We'll show you how to do both. Tips on how to set up ambushes, choose your targets, and execute your plot. If you don't want to learn anything about killing or stealing, you're a big baby and we don't want you here. Actually, it would just be better for everyone involved if the people of strong moral fiber just put up some kind of net-security software; you don't want to accidentally end up here again. The rest of you belly up to the bar, because we've got such a tasty show it'll knock your socks off your ass.

Porn and industrial machinery pepper this lively hour of ""Unscrewed."" But it's not just normal industrial machinery. It's also incredibly lethal industrial machinery designed to break the sh*t out of things. And for that matter, it's not just normal porn. It's also porn with puppets, made to warn kids about the dangers of pornography. I guess it's more like puppet antiporn and killer industrial machinery. So the tone of tonight is similar to puppets copulating in a blender.

Everyone gets spam. It's a fact of life. But everyone handles it differently. Some install on their PC the most high-tech spam-blocker available. Others use fake email accounts. And still others just write back to the spammer. That's what tonight's guest did, and he ended up with a voodoo curse being cast on him. Plus, more boobies than you can shake a stick at.

I hope you like boobies, cause we have tons on tonight's show. Round, oval, or square, we've got you covered. Yes, I said square boobies. Lego porn? Good guess, but no. Lost paintings of Marcel Duchamp? Go back to The Learning Channel, Learny McLearnerson. I guess you'll have to watch the show to find out.

Tonight's guests kind of complement each other. One believes the Earth is hollow and contains a sun, Nazis, and Vikings. The other sells a personal cooling collar that would be perfect if you were basking under the light of the sun at the center of the Earth. Now all we need is a personal margarita collar and an anti-Nazi collar... maybe they can get to work on that.

Don't miss tonight's show. We've got a guy who messed with the U.S. Senate and lived to tell about 15 very funny tales. A guy who makes pictures of sexy pop stars out of bubblegum. A couple really funny videos. And a Girl Gone Wired who has no problem getting down with other ladies.

Tonight's show will have you questioning everything you believe in. Well, I guess it would only do that if the only thing you believe in is that man walked on the moon. Cause we're gonna hammer that square pegged idea into a round hole. Then, we might come to your house and beat you up 'Cause we're bored, drunk, and know where you live.

Tonight's show is for anyone who masturbates or uses a toilet. Our guests will elevate both performances to the level of art. America's Pleasure Coach is here to show you how to tickle your fancy in a way that'll curl toes and make you swear off members of the opposite sex. Our second guest invented a toilet light that has ended marriage squabbles and potty trained children. And to think, you would have just slept through the episode. Good thing you came to the website.

Oil, Craig's List and Gary Coleman. It's like you done died and gone to heaven. Matt Savinar has done the research, the world as we know it is about to end. Our reliance on oil will be our downfall. Sure you can live without your car; but oil is important to something you can't live without, food. Oil is used in fertilizers, pesticides, processing, packaging and shipping of food. If oil prices go up, each step along the chain gets more expensive and in the end, food won't be something people can afford. Also on tonight's show, Craigslist.org is the best free bulletin board around. You can find everything from a date to a job to a free cat on Craigslist. One filmmaker decided to spend a day tracking down the people who post on Craigslist to see how everything pans out for them. And finally, everyone's favorite child actor Gary Coleman talks about his run for California governor and Marty asks what politics is really about.

Tonight we'll show you what you can do about living forever. We'll also show you how to blow up jerks that are picking on you. Create. Destroy. Tonight's 'Unscrewed' is a microcosm of the Universe. At least from a biological perspective, I mean, we don't get theological. But we do have cam whores, so it kinda evens out.

Are you a joker? A smoker? A midnight toker? Do you play your music in the suuunnnnnn? Well, tonight is the first of two shows focusing on the mean green, that's right, Marijuana. So sit back, roll a splif, grab some Flamin' Hot Cheetos and watch 'Unscrewed'.

Here's your chance folks, time to frolic in the gardens ganja. If you've ever toked a spliff, pulled on a bong or smoked pot out of an apple, you need to watch this show. Hate pot? Watch to learn all that your buttoned-down, vanilla puddin' life has been missing.

Tonight we talk about cloning animals. Now, do you think that a cloned animal would act exactly like the original? Or do you think that the experiences that the young animal had in it's formative years would determine its behavior? To test the theory, the 'Unscrewed' labs has been raising and cloning Border Collies. Some we treat well, some we treat not so well. So far the results are inconclusive, but our scientist have lost several fingers. Maybe tonight's guests will be able to shed some light on what we are doing wrong.

If you love sickness and global conspiracy, you might be an Unscrewed fan. If you love songs regaling the social aspects of being a nerd, you might be an Unscrewed fan. If you've ever been so pissed off at some one you decided to make them think they're peeing blood, you might be an Unscrewed fan. And if any of the above three topics really pique your interest, you better watch tonight's show, cause it'll leave you breathless.

The smartest man is the world is a rapper. No, I'm not talking 'bout 50 cent or Lil John, I'm talking 'bout Hawkin', Stephen that is. We're going to hear some of his raps, see a guy in a wedding dress and find out what Gary Coleman thinks about moon colonies, all in one half hour.

Tonight we're going to learn all about fast food, living in space and boobies. We'll be speaking with Morgan Spurlock, the guy who made Super Size Me, about fast food. We'll talk with a company that wants to be the first private organization to land on the moon. And of course, a Girl Gone Wired will provide all the T&A the kiddies are looking for.

No, I'm not talking about the back of a Volkswagen. One of the pictures of the Girl Gone Wired shows her spread eagle with a fella holding some kind of device between her legs. Either it's a piercing or tattoo gun. Not sure, but studying the picture is fun. Oh, and you'll have a chance to learn about space from one of it's experts. You'll also learn how to hurt people real bad from an expert in that field, the Dark Tipper.

Ok folks, tonight's show features the best porn Unscrewed has offered in the last year. You'll see porn stars, porn conventions and a 'best of' gallery for the Girls Gone Wired. So, unplug the phone, make sure the shades are closed and get ready to enjoy some quality ""me"" time.

We're getting down and dirty with the best of our Dark Tips from the last year... featuring Laura Swisher, Kevin Rose, and Joey the Intern. Tips include: rocket hard drive, beer catapult, how to make a stun glove and how to completely destroy your data.

We've located the best Unscrewed moments in the field and lovingly packaged them for you in a clip show that will make your heart go pitter-patter. Including: UFO Expo, Crop Circles, Mystery Spot and yes, the time Joey the Intern Found Love at CES.

Unscrewed Geniuses: A round-up of the smartest & most innovative Unscrewed guests like Alex Chiu (inventor of the eternal life rings), Cult leader and cloner Rael, the Singing Psychic Fran Baskerville, and who can forget Blackwolf the 5,000 year-old wizard.

Porn star Taylor Wane is going to be here...to chat. Our intern Joey is going to show us another way to make those who wrong you pay for it with pain and misery. Also, we have the dad behind whoisthatwithjeremy.com.

If you shave, you might have microscopic radio tags in your face that the government can use to track your every move...or something like that. Find out more when we talk to Katherine Albrecht (boycottgillette.com). We'll also check in with our wise and humble field correspondent, Gary Coleman. Plus: Search Sperts Daisy & Steph, Girl Gone Wired Chloe McCoy.

A guy who eats pig worms in Gatorade. Man, that's a talent. See worm dude, plus Andrew Goldberg of Smoking Gun fame, GGW Shannon Lea and a charming game about acne all on this touching edition of Unscrewed.

UFO expert Jim Marrs discusses Mexican UFOs, Fat Mike from NOFX discusses punkvoter.com, and Adrian Tyler is our Girl Gone Wired.

Former Hollywood stuntman and rocket ship builder, Ky Michaelson, is here to teach us how to build our own personal moon craft. And, when you see tonight's Girl Gone Wired, you'll feel the need to gouge your eyes out to protect yourself from her radiant beauty. Just like Oedipus. Plus, Dr. Mercurious and more Dark Tips from Kevin.

We've got Chinese doctor and Kung Fu master Dr. Sha with us tonight, and he says he can heal you as you watch this show, using the waves that emanate from your television. We've also got another exciting Search Sperts featuring Steph the Geek vs. Tyia Tyler, and GGW Rachel Elizabeth.

Bryant Kong and Elender Wall perform Rumsfeld poetry for us, we talk to former child star turned psychic Madalyn Aslan, and Shae Marks is our Girl Gone Wired.

Hacker legend Kevin Mitnick is going to join us to talk about hacking, his new book and the fun and excitement of jail. And speaking of jail, just because Mary-Kate and Ashley are of age doesn't mean there aren't plenty of other teen starlets to obsess about. To prove it, we'll count down the best of the best Legality Countdown sites on the Internet. Tonight's guests: Sheldan Nidle from the Galactic Federation and GGW April Moritz.

Chupacabra expert Sean David Morton is here to let us know what to do if we want to get our goat sucked, and Joey the Intern imbeds himself in the seedy world of drag queens and belt sanders to deliver a report from the Power Tool Races. Tonight's GGW is a Finnish beauty who will dazzle you with her own huge tracts of land. Other guests: tech correspondent Sammy4you.

Dr. James Fetzer promises to shed new light on the J.F.K. assassination. Yes, for the first time, the truth comes out... on Unscrewed with Martin Sargent! And, wouldn't it be nice if you could find somebody to do the dishes... take out the garbage... make cosmopolitans... and give you reach-arounds? Yourhouseboy.com might be the place to start looking.

If tonight's show were food I found in the street, such as an old muffin or discarded meat, I would still eat it. Because it's just that good. We have a man who lived in a house for five years, with nearly one million bees as his roommates. And Dark Tipper Kevin Rose fights off eBay snipers.

Tonight's show is so enchanting, if it were a woman in a bar, I'd buy it a drink, with the the hope that later, when it was drunker, I might be able to bang it... Digital music pioneer and garageband.com creator Jerry Harrison is here. Plus another SearchSperts game and a baboon expert.

Tonight's show is so good, once you see it, everything else in your life will seem a little pale; a little shopworn. We have a magician who will cast a spell that will render Martin unable to lift his 100-pound partner. Plus, Teen Taxidermist Amy Ritchey invites us into her animal stuffing laboratory.

Tonight's show is gonna take a big bite out of your mind, and it's gonna feel so good! We're burning one with a guy in his 70's who says he's lived a highly successful life, despite being a total pothead. Have you ever thought about what your last meal would be if you chose a life of crime, got caught and were about to meet your maker on death row? DeadManEating.com has a list.

Tonight's show is so lovingly-rendered, so precise, so detailed, it belongs in a museum commemorating television beauty. People, we are gonna chase down some internet phantoms with internet ghost site hunter Steve Baldwin. Plus, our little vixens are playing Search Sperts and the winner bares all.

Documentarian Linda Moulton Howe is here to talk about Who or What is behind the strange and often unreported phenomenon of animal mutilation. And Joey the Intern gets back at smokers with exploding cigarette butts. Plus, play live-action Pac Manhattan.

We've got a little channeling theme going on tonight. First, we talk to a woman who speaks with Nostradamus to predict the future. Then, we chat with Reverend Fred, a master light channeler, who speaks to a being from the Seventh Dimension for peace.

Inventor of the Immortality Rings Alex Chiu is going to be here to unveil his latest miraculous invention for the first time on television. Plus, our exclusive interview with Rory McTavish, the greatest Pong player who ever lived. And, catch another installment of Laura's Blog.

Martin, Laura and the ""Unscrewed"" Gang leave San Francisco for swank new digs in L.A. Cuddle Party organizers Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski share a world where adults get together and explore affectionate touch and communication without it becoming sexualized. No, for reals. And Inventor Fred Bell stops by to chat about this friendships with Space Aliens. Plus, Joey the Intern teaches you to spoof Caller ID names to convince gullible inventors that you're a space alien.

Esteemed politician and ""Boobsville for Sorority Girls"" star Mary Carey decries the US Army's subsidy of breast enhancement for new recruits. Two kids explain why they broke a TV-watching record at IHOP. And Marty leads a sexual harassment training.

Cult deprogrammer Rick Ross helps Martin confront his fear of Lutherans. Conceptual artist Justin Gignac serves garbage under glass. And Laura tries to jump-start her Hollywood career.

Joe Matte exposes the joys of anatomical correctness with real dolls. The Yellow Bamboo Qi Gung Crew uses universal forces to injure innocent bystanders. Gary Coleman answers viewer questions and barely contains his hatred of humanity.

Philip Hoag shares his apocalyptic predictions. William Shatner, Jaimie Farr and countless other luminaries compete in Celebrity Paintball. Sexy vixens battle it out in a thrilling game of Search Sperts.

Singing hotdog man Charlie Marcuse kills us softly with his song... and nitrates. Corrine de Winter believes something highly unlikely about Purple Plates. Ed Meyer teaches us more efficient ways of slaughtering gophers. Our Girl Gone Wired enjoys nudity and sex.

Dr. Michael Salla discusses the political implications of the extraterrestrial presence, Joey the Intern tries out The Rodenator, a high-tech gopher eliminator, and Girls Gone Wired.

Privileged college teens who love hitting each other with phone books. Dr. Ava Cadell provides her sexpert opinion on developing sexual muscles. Plus, a UFO Expo!

Geologist Jim Berkland predicts the next big quake. Sexy Lindsey steps up to the Search Sperting cage.

Martin goes in search of the goat-sucking Chupacabra. A law professor bursts the pants open on the obesity myth. Girl Gone Wired Sarah Bowers makes America's teeth sweat.

Butter lady Norma Lyon turns dairy products into art. Martin hangs out with Champion Air-Guitarists.

Animal Telepath Raphaela Pope looks into the souls of gerbils and ferrets. Shalom Volchock gives our colons a nice thorough cleanings. Plus, a naked woman, without any clothes!

Camwhores compete in a thrilling round of SearchSperts. Dr. Louis Turi uses the stars to read our minds. Our Chatspiens interpret fetish website monologues.

Graphologist Cynthia Norris solves a murder through handwriting analysis. Erotic artist Marcie Briquette paints with her boobs. Documentary filmmaker and founder of The Free World Alliance Anthony J. Hilder presents some cutting-edge political views to help us sort our who we should vote for in the Presidential election. And, Martin takes a viewer call.

Martin chats with the true heir to the crown of St. Peter, Pope Michael. Linda Howe shares the latest evidence on crop circles in the U.S. Marty explores the magical world of jazz dance.

Author Rob Gelbsan asserts the end of the world is night, but non in the crazy-dude-on-the-sidewalk way. Marty fields tech calls from the audience, since Leo Laporte is too busy clubbing baby seals. Marty looks up old buddies on Classmates.com. And an exciting round of SearchSperts.

Marty chats with Dr. Roger Lier, an established medical doctor who removes alien implants from his patients. Plus, kick-ass karate and bitches get freaky on Girls Gone Wired.

Paul Forte communicates with the Universe. Martin and Laura chat with Ghost Hunters David Oester and Sharon Gill.

Graphologist Cynthia Norris solves a murder through handwriting analysis. Inventor Patrick Alphonso teaches Joey how to shave back hair. And Girl Gone Wired ""The Tall Goddess.""

Martin interview ""Trekkies"" director Roger Nygard. Ladies remove their clothing for another thrilling round of SearchSperts. Marty plays with himself.

Michael Horn tells ""the most important story in all human history""-- proof beyond a reasonable doubt of extraterrestrial contact. Sammy 4 U internet porn goddess offers the latest in technology news. Girl Gone Wired Ginger Jolie.

""Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"" author John Gray shares the secrets of how to get gamers laid. Joey the Intern offers Dark Tips on how to pick a lock with a pen. And Girl Gone Wired Linda O'Neil.

Marty loses touch with morality after playing too much GTA. Bobbie Sue Luther, host of Junkyard Mega-Wars, talks about her love of cars. Plus, we chat with the star of Grand Theft Auto 3... that guy with the glasses. And, on Girls Gone Wired: The Girls of GTA.

Alexandra Robbins, New York Times bestselling author of Secrets of the Tomb, on Yale's secret society Skull & Bones. Plus Playing with Yourself and SearchSperts.

Dr. Clio Cresswell shares they mysterious connection between mathematics and sex. Chris Fehlinger exposes those who are both famous and famously cheap bastards with BitterWaitress.com. And Kevin Rose offers up some Dark Tips-- including how to make a Snoopy Snow Cone Machine into a Margarita Maker. Plus, GGW Veronika Zemanova struts her stuff.

Sadie Allison shows us how to 'tickle his pickle.' Eman Laerton, webmaster and head provocateur of YouHaveBadTasteInMusic.com, a site whose sole mission is to get people to stop listening to bad music. Plus, Playing With Yourself.

Reptoids.com Cryptozoologist John Rhodes has an alien theory that sounds a lot like the movie 'V.' Plus, Devirginizemarc.com and an exploration of Sex Election Websites. And, Girl Gone Wired Trigere Regine.

Blaire Allison of MarryBlaire.com searches for a perfect husband by speed dating the Unscrewed audience. Michael Tsarion of taroscope.com tells us about what corporate logos really man. Plus, Tech Around the Globe.

Martin talks to TheSmokingGun.com webmaster Andrew Goldberg about the damage Lenny Kravitz can do with a toilet. Joey the Intern shows us how to get back at a landlord after getting locked out in another edition of Who's Laughing Now. Our Girl Gone Wired, Karen Cogz, loves to wear bikinis.

Unscrewed has a very special tribute to Halo. The creators of Red vs. Blue are turning games into film. Marty chats with one of the Covenant Elite Guard. Plus, Girl Gone Wired Celeste Von is hot.

Orgasms can be yours at the push of a button with the new Orgasmatron Implant. Marty interviews Lee Rammage, the World Champion of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Girl Gone Wired Karla Denise is very, very pretty.

The Jimi Hendrix of ukulele Jake Shimabbukuro shows us his ten-finger stroke. Barker Beauty Gabrielle Tuite gestures at things. Laura becomes a pop star in another edition of her blog.

We've got the one guy creepier than Half-Life's G-Man... creepy magic dude Tom Cameron is here to use his creepy magic powers to almost kill people. Martin remembers the internet that has vanished. Girl Gone Wired Elizabeth Kelly has notable secondary sexual characteristics.

From BlackVault.com, John Greenewald, Jr. Plus, Mysteries of Science and Girl Gone Wired Kristen Muranga.

First, earthfiles.com webmistress Linda Howe shares the latest paranormal news. Then, Internet phenom and gemsweater goddess Leslie Hall of gemsweater.com shares the beautiful vista that is the gem surface and joins us for a fabulous fashion show. She shares from her collection of over 400 gem sweaters and performs the wildly popular track from her album that made her the only unsigned artist to be featured on beatgreets.com.